This is a story about lighting yourself up from the Inside..✨🌹🗡
⌛ ONCE UPON A TIME⌛
I would wake up at 5am to straighten my hair.
Pick the perfect outfit.
Make sure my head-to-toe Abercrombie and Fitch ensemble looked pretty enough.
I would even tie matching ribbons around my ponytail.
I had been groomed and trained to relate to this as the appropriate way to present myself for teenage male consumption.
Prior to this stage of my life, of course, I was mostly running through the woods, barefoot, climbing trees, and getting dirty.
I even, horror of horrors, wore cargo pants.
My hair often had knots.
I wasn't great at being overly-coiffed.
And...I'll never forget what happened when I learned that I had to change myself to be loved and accepted.
It wasn't the first time, of course...
And it wouldn't be the last....
But it was one of the most detrimental.
Perhaps you can relate, beloved one?
Do you have this story too?
My self-esteem plummeted. Despite being outrageously academic and obsessed with learning...I started failing my classes.
Worse though, at a mere 14 years old, I was drinking a ton, trying to fall in line with what was deemed "cool" at the time, and dying on the inside.
Now, there's nothing wrong of course if you love waking up at 5am to straighten your hair.
But what I learned, was that if I didn't do this... I would have to deal with the fact that I was completely unlovable, not enough, not acceptable, and would be isolated and alone.
Well, something revolutionary happened.
[Don't worry - I'm getting to the funny part!!!]
From deep within my lion heart, I cast off everything.
I dyed my hair. I threw myself into music -- or rather, it wrapped me up and carried me through -- and found the most amazing sense of community, and home. A welcoming.
[One of the reasons I am so obsessed with creating community!!! I have seen the healing power first-hand when someone is welcomed, loved, accepted, witnessed...]
But the same people I was trying so desperately to impress?
I still went to their parties.
I still entertained their jokes.
But I was...different to them.
And...I didn't find them all that interesting.
But... I started attracting even more attention because of this.
It was fascinating!
I cast off the shackles of changing myself to fit in...and people were dumbfounded.
Some were judgmental of course -- but secretly, they'd find me, whisper to me, how did you do it?
How did you find your heart, in the midst of all of this?
And I'd whisper back...I listened. I chose. There is no other way I could possibly live.
Cue the drumroll..
My High School graduating Yearbook superlative was "MOST CHANGED"
Just a picture of me..
Like a jail sentence
I still think about it today. I remember being disappointed. Now, of course, I am elated.
Thank Goddess I didn't fall into line.
I didn't get BEST DRESSED despite being runner-up.
I did not get MOST LIKELY TO BE PRESIDENT although I feel it would have been more apt.
But you know what changed?
My desire to do anything other than learn to love, accept, and celebrate myself.
Are you ready to unfold your patterns, unbind your shackles, and fall deeply in love with yourself?
It will ask you to lay down your sword, the layers of armor you've unknowingly been wearing [THAT SHIT IS HEAVY!], and show up differently.
For those who say "I want to let go of being judgmental" or "I struggle to commit to myself or things" or "I don't know what I want" or "my deepest fear is that I'm unlovable"
I present to you ...
It will stretch you. It will change you. It will boost you. It will expand your heart. It will ask you to step into your purpose. It will show you how.
It will allow you, finally -
To become who you truly are.
As a gift from me to you, please take $200 off with the code VIBES.
CHECK IT ALL OUT
It's just here this week - so if you're into it, grab it!!
I've added so much content to this that I likely will offer it at a much deeper exchange next time it comes around! After all -- a woman who invests in herself is a woman who changes the world [and herself!]...truly.
Photo via Melodee Solomon